Tonight was my 10 year high school reunion, and I’m very content in saying that I stayed home and made dinner, watched TV and played the new Mario Kart 8 on the Wii U. Somewhat a symbol of the kind of life I have come to lead – laid back and relaxed at home, no focus on going out or big parties/gatherings. This isn’t really where I thought I’d be 10 years after high school, but I can honestly say it’s much better than where I thought my life would take me.
Posts Tagged “Reflection”
May 31 2014
Earlier this year I had to write about losing a grandparent, and now I’m having to do it all over again. I’ve lived 26 years and had all my grandparents alive and healthy the whole time, and was lucky enough to forge strong memories and emotional ties to all of them. I even have a step-mom who became part of the family when I was young, so that added an additional two grandparents for me to know and love all these years. I lost my paternal grandfather in March and was rocked by how sudden it came, but I lost my maternal grandmother last night and even the knowledge that it was going to be coming soon doesn’t help ease the pain of knowing she’s gone now. The hardest and most confusing part of it all is that I feel like I lost my grandmother a long time ago to Alzheimer’s. It started slowly, but over the past few years became more aggressive and I just became another face of a friendly visitor that said hello to her, and I hate that the last years of her life were lived in confusion.
I’ve been very lucky to avoid dealing with death for most of my life thus far. I had a run-in when I was 11 that I discussed in a previous blog post, and then managed to not lose any family or friends since. I attended the funeral of a friend’s grandmother, a woman who had been nothing but sweet and wonderful to me every time I saw her, but still death hadn’t quite been real to me. I was sad, but felt distanced from it all. Then two weeks ago I got a call that my paternal grandfather was dying, and that I needed to get there quick if I wanted to be able to say goodbye. That was when it became real.
Ah yes, time for the obligatory post about the past 12 months and how wonderful/awful they’ve been. It seems that everyone tries to do something like this every year as January 1st looms ever closer, but as I sit down and think about everything that’s gone on over the past year, I can see why. It’s nice to think back on everything and know that you can’t change it, so it doesn’t matter how good or bad it was, you can look at it with a unique perspective and see how the ripples of your actions have grown over time. At least one thing in life is constant, and that’s time. It moves forward at the same speed no matter what it is you’re doing, but experiences can make you perceive it differently. There were times that the days seemed to fly by faster than I could enjoy them, and days that crawled by agonizingly slowly, taunting me with each passing moment.
Feb 17 2011
My work is doing a blood drive today, something they’ve done one other time since I’ve worked here in the past year. Last time they did the drive, I didn’t bother signing up or even asking if I could try and donate because I knew the answer would be no. This time I decided to go ahead and give it a shot. Maybe the rules have changed. Maybe things aren’t as strict as they were before. Maybe the medical world has removed its head from its ass. Maybe? And yet…no. Everything is as it was before, nothing has changed. Because I am homosexual I am forbidden from giving blood.