I asked my manager to meet with me to discuss this new development.  He’d flat out told me back in February that he understood being a contractor wasn’t very stable work, and that he wouldn’t blame me for looking elsewhere – a fact I didn’t hesitate to bring up when he met with me 3 days after I initially requested the meeting.  I wanted to try and find some middle ground, to show him that I was willing, even anxious, to stay with Komen, but he didn’t seem to care.  The meeting consisted of me outlining my achievements in my time with the company, and the projects I was currently working on and what I had planned for the future, and why I felt it was time for him to meet me halfway and hire me.  While I was doing this, he was counterpointing with why he felt I wasn’t ready, and that he thought I just wasn’t “employee material” yet.

At one point he specifically told me in almost these exact words, “as a contractor, I can make one phone call to the staffing agency and in five minutes I’ll never have to see your face again.  As an employee I can still fire you, but I’d have to draw up performance evaluations, talk to HR, and possibly involve legal.”  I was shocked.  I asked if I had ever done anything to indicate that me being let go would ever even be an issue, and he quickly said that I hadn’t, but that you never know what’s gonna happen and if I were hired his options would be more limited as to how he could handle things.

That was enough for me.  I was tired of being treated as though I brought nothing to the team and that I wasn’t worth even being considered for a permanent position.  I laid it out on the table for him and said that with this other offer, I was prepared to leave if we couldn’t work something out.  He had already stated that he didn’t believe I was being productive enough to be hired (a fact I vehemently disagreed with), so I asked him that if he didn’t think I was that necessary, did he think the other person who works with me could handle the full workload on her own.  He stared at me and told me he didn’t get my meaning.  I looked at him and told him that I wanted to make it work, but would leave if we couldn’t.  All he could say was “okay”, and before I knew it I was already speaking the words that I’d never said before:  ”Consider this my official notice that I’m leaving the company.”

It was empowering, and terrifying all the same.  Again, I got an “okay” as a response and then the meeting was over.  I went back to my desk, and less than half an hour later he made an announcement to the entire IT department that I’d be leaving the company for another job.  Shock of all shocks, I recently found out that he had a friend of his from a previous job interview for my position, and that his friend will be hired shortly.  Show of hands, who’s surprised?  Anyone?  No one?  That’s what I thought.  Me either.  I worked my ass off trying to prove myself to him, and all along he was biding his time until I got tired of it and left, which I did, so he could bring in someone that didn’t know the job but was his buddy.  I’m so glad that people who make it to positions of management are able to put their own desires before the needs of the company; the person he had interview was obviously not technical in nature, and had no experience with the systems we use on a daily basis, and yet he got hired.  I find it very frustrating that he’d rather bring someone in with no experience and train them for weeks to months, just to do a job that I was already doing, merely so he didn’t have to hire me.  Personal reasons?  Probably.  But it’s done with now, and I don’t ever have to deal with him again.

This week was my first week with the new job, and I’m liking it so far.  The people are nice, and my cubicle is huge compared to any I’ve worked in before.  A strange thing to be considered a perk, but I love it all the same.  Leaving Komen was hard, but I didn’t feel that I had any other options.  In two interviews the new company I work for decided that I had enough potential to hire me as an employee from day one, yet my old manager couldn’t see that same potential after evaluating me for over 6 months.  Sometimes these things happen I guess, and I can only hope that it was for a reason.  Maybe this new company is where I’m supposed to be right now.  I’ll just have to wait and see.

I’ve decided to try and pursue the consulting business.  I’ve wanted to work with computers outside of a corporate business since before I went to college for my IT degree.  I never really wanted to wear a suit and tie and tweak servers all day.  I want to work with individuals and small businesses to help them get technologically organized and setup in a way that will benefit them, and in the process benefit me.  Owning a house would be wonderful.  I know I’m still moderately young, but I’ve been in apartments since a week after graduating high school.  I’m tired of it.  I want a home.  But for now, I can’t do both, so I will just have to put everything I have into the business and hope it pays off.

People always say “you have to spend money to make money”.  Until recently, I never realized how true it was.  Just for my small business I’m going to be out of pocket over $1000 just in startup costs alone.  Not counting any office supplies or setting up a home-office in my apartment.  Not counting the new desktop computer I’ll be buying to be placed in that office to help with tracking business expenses and income.  It’s very scary to know that I have a set amount of money in my savings account, and no more is going in there until I start making money doing the consulting.  But I can’t do the consulting until I legally make myself an LLC and file for the domain and market myself with a website and business cards, etc etc, so on and so forth.  So I have to spend what little money I have in the hopes that it will yield higher returns.  How terrifying is that?

I have just over 1 month to get this started and begin recruiting clients.  I hope I can do it.

Because the deductions are taking from each paycheck to recover the money spent on the card, if an employee is terminated their paychecks will cease and the deductions will have nowhere to pull money from.  The loophole is, because the money is deducted automatically, if the employee is no longer active, they can no longer automatically deduct the money, and they can’t do anything about it.  This has been repeatedly confirmed by fellow employees with the flex account helpdesk – they will not come after you for whatever you’ve spent which hasn’t been deducted at the time of your termination.  Thus my dilemma.

I know my approximate term date in advance.  I have the ability to put a substantial amount of money on the flex card and finally get the Lasik eye surgery I’ve been thinking about for so long, and essentially not have to pay for it.  I’ll have a few deductions while I’m on my severance period, but once that time is up I’m free and owe no more.  I’ve been assured numerous times by varied sources that they have no way to demand the money at a later date, and take it as a loss.

So I’m up against a wall at this point, unsure of what to do.  One part of me states that if the loophole is there, there’s nothing wrong with taking advantage of it.  I’m sure the company is aware of it at this point, and if it were necessary they’d take care of it.  This is the part that says “go for it” and wants to get the Lasik.  The other part of me says that it’d be wrong to do this and get off without having to pay very much for an expensive procedure that the company will still have to cover.  This is the part of me that says “you know better” and seems to think glasses are still cool.

I see both sides with equal clarity (despite the glasses).  I just can’t decide what I’m going to do.  But whatever I’m going to decide, I need to do it quickly.  I have exactly one week to choose my benefits and request a flex spending card.  *sigh*  What am I going to do?

[EDIT - 10/28/08 - The time has come and gone, and I chose not to take advantage of the loophole to my benefit.  I passed the opportunity up and decided that if I am going to do this, I'll do it right someday.  Situation resolved.]

Eric and I used to be really close.  Best friends and all that stuff.  Worked together, hung out together, even lived together for 6 months while I was in college.  But it was during the time that we lived together that the friendship went sour and we never fully recovered from that.  I didn’t talk to him for over a year, and didn’t see him for even longer than that.  He wouldn’t admit he’d done anything wrong, and I wouldn’t admit that I had either.  We were both stubborn, and the friendship died off because of it.

Ultimately, it was for the best.  He had made some bad choices in his life (consistently) and felt no remorse or shame for doing so.  It had always irked me, but he had always treated me nicely and stuck up for me when a situation warranted it, and so I didn’t let his life decisions influence our friendship.  That was a mistake I still kick myself for.  Even if you care about someone, their actions will always eventually come back to bite you in the ass, even if you think they’d never do something like that to you.

A little over a year ago Eric contacted me telling me that he was having trouble holding down a job and couldn’t afford anywhere to live and because of the aforementioned bad choices, he had no one else to turn to.  I hesitated, but ultimately allowed him to move in with me for a short time.  He slept on the couch and had all his belongings piled up in a corner of my living room.  Because trust was still an issue, I told him he couldn’t be in the apartment when I was home, and as such I never gave him a key.

Well, he didn’t like that much and one day I was getting ready to leave and he and I left the apartment, I realized that the bar on the sliding glass door had been taken down and the lock itself opened.  Essentially, he had made it so he could get back in the apartment as soon as I left.  I don’t know what he would’ve done if I hadn’t caught this, but he didn’t get the chance; I locked it back and left the apartment without letting him know I’d caught him.  Once I drove off I text messaged him that I was done helping and I would let him know when he could come back for his stuff.  What followed was an afternoon filled with belligerent text messages telling me that I was no help and didn’t trust him and he didn’t know why, which only intensified when I put his stuff outside on the patio and told him he could come get it when he had a chance.

Since that fallout I learned that he joined the Army and he contacted me wanting to patch things up, telling me things had changed and he wanted to make things right.  I foolishly believed him.  I allowed contact a couple times and briefly believed things would be different.  Then the call came today that he was in jail and I was the one he was counting on to bail him out.

So I ask myself – should I?  Is it worth it?  Part of me wants to let him sit there and suffer and realize there are consequences for his actions and that I’m not his rescuer.  Another part of me knows that even if I bail him out, there will still be consequences for whatever it is he did, and this is just to help him not have to sit there and wait.  Granted, he may end up right back there for a long time without me being able to save him again, so me bailing him out now would only be for a short time and would be a waste of money.  But on the other hand, even though we’re not close friends anymore, we once were and there’s something in me that wants to still help due to what was once there.  I don’t want to leave him there out of spite.  Again, part of me knows that he did something wrong and should be there, but ultimately he will end up serving a sentence of some time for any crime he committed – must it start now?  I feel like I should do what little I can, but I also want to wash my hands of the whole situation and consider this a way to achieve closure.

So I pose my question to the masses – what would you do?  Would you turn away and allow someone to sit in jail due to a result of their own actions?  Or would you step in and provide what assistance you’re able to provide?  Would you say that turnabout is fair play?  Or that all is forgiven?  For the sake of the discussion, at this time I will not be answering my own question.  Whether I bail him out or leave him there, I want to know what others think first.  The real twist is, by the time everyone provides their own comments and advise, I will have already either gone and bailed him out, or called and advised that I will not be coming.  Let the discussion begin.