While I don’t intend to avoid alcohol the same way forever, I do think it’s wise to shy away from the over indulgences of my “youth”.  I’ve never considered myself an alcoholic by any means of the imagination, but the times that I did drink it was almost always more than I should’ve.  Now I’m just going to be more careful.  Fun can be had without going so far as to losing control.  My dad bought me three bottles of liquor over two years ago, and two of those bottles have still yet to be opened.  I kinda feel like I’m trying to justify myself and prove that I’m not an alcoholic, when in reality I don’t think I should have to.  I just know that sometimes appearances can be deceiving, and I want to be very clear on this.

I’ve made some stupid decisions regarding alcohol in the past, something I hope to not perpetuate again in the future.  I’m in no rush to run out and drink now that year has passed, but I also won’t feel the need to pass whenever a friend asks me if I want to go out for a drink or have a margarita with dinner.  I can have fun within limits.  I just have to outline those limits for myself, and stick to them, something I know I can do.

The year without alcohol is over, but that doesn’t mean a year of drunken debauchery is beginning.  It just means that the first time I have alcohol after so long, I better be prepared to be knocked on my ass from one or two drinks.

I asked my manager to meet with me to discuss this new development.  He’d flat out told me back in February that he understood being a contractor wasn’t very stable work, and that he wouldn’t blame me for looking elsewhere – a fact I didn’t hesitate to bring up when he met with me 3 days after I initially requested the meeting.  I wanted to try and find some middle ground, to show him that I was willing, even anxious, to stay with Komen, but he didn’t seem to care.  The meeting consisted of me outlining my achievements in my time with the company, and the projects I was currently working on and what I had planned for the future, and why I felt it was time for him to meet me halfway and hire me.  While I was doing this, he was counterpointing with why he felt I wasn’t ready, and that he thought I just wasn’t “employee material” yet.

At one point he specifically told me in almost these exact words, “as a contractor, I can make one phone call to the staffing agency and in five minutes I’ll never have to see your face again.  As an employee I can still fire you, but I’d have to draw up performance evaluations, talk to HR, and possibly involve legal.”  I was shocked.  I asked if I had ever done anything to indicate that me being let go would ever even be an issue, and he quickly said that I hadn’t, but that you never know what’s gonna happen and if I were hired his options would be more limited as to how he could handle things.

That was enough for me.  I was tired of being treated as though I brought nothing to the team and that I wasn’t worth even being considered for a permanent position.  I laid it out on the table for him and said that with this other offer, I was prepared to leave if we couldn’t work something out.  He had already stated that he didn’t believe I was being productive enough to be hired (a fact I vehemently disagreed with), so I asked him that if he didn’t think I was that necessary, did he think the other person who works with me could handle the full workload on her own.  He stared at me and told me he didn’t get my meaning.  I looked at him and told him that I wanted to make it work, but would leave if we couldn’t.  All he could say was “okay”, and before I knew it I was already speaking the words that I’d never said before:  ”Consider this my official notice that I’m leaving the company.”

It was empowering, and terrifying all the same.  Again, I got an “okay” as a response and then the meeting was over.  I went back to my desk, and less than half an hour later he made an announcement to the entire IT department that I’d be leaving the company for another job.  Shock of all shocks, I recently found out that he had a friend of his from a previous job interview for my position, and that his friend will be hired shortly.  Show of hands, who’s surprised?  Anyone?  No one?  That’s what I thought.  Me either.  I worked my ass off trying to prove myself to him, and all along he was biding his time until I got tired of it and left, which I did, so he could bring in someone that didn’t know the job but was his buddy.  I’m so glad that people who make it to positions of management are able to put their own desires before the needs of the company; the person he had interview was obviously not technical in nature, and had no experience with the systems we use on a daily basis, and yet he got hired.  I find it very frustrating that he’d rather bring someone in with no experience and train them for weeks to months, just to do a job that I was already doing, merely so he didn’t have to hire me.  Personal reasons?  Probably.  But it’s done with now, and I don’t ever have to deal with him again.

This week was my first week with the new job, and I’m liking it so far.  The people are nice, and my cubicle is huge compared to any I’ve worked in before.  A strange thing to be considered a perk, but I love it all the same.  Leaving Komen was hard, but I didn’t feel that I had any other options.  In two interviews the new company I work for decided that I had enough potential to hire me as an employee from day one, yet my old manager couldn’t see that same potential after evaluating me for over 6 months.  Sometimes these things happen I guess, and I can only hope that it was for a reason.  Maybe this new company is where I’m supposed to be right now.  I’ll just have to wait and see.

We’d been discussing it for a long time, but the timing never really lined up in a way that would allow both of us to move out of current apartments and into a new one.  So when my apartment lease ended last year, I renewed it just long enough so that it’d end at the same time as Keith’s thus giving us the chance to either move in together at that point, or at least be on the same lease schedule so we could move in together in the future.  Luckily, April was the month to be, and everything kinda fell into place.

We got our places packed.  Well…he got his place packed, and I got mine somewhat packed, and then stayed up all night the day before the big move.  I still didn’t get close to finishing, and with 3 hours of sleep that night I was utterly exhausted during moving day.  Luckily we had movers to do all the work for us, and we just moved a few things that we didn’t want them to mess with like our computers and his LED TV, and a few other things.  Once they were all done, we both spent the next few days getting our old places emptied entirely of what the movers didn’t move for us, and then cleaned, and then we finally were able to call it quits and settle into our new home together.

We now live comfortably in a three bedroom apartment with a two car garage, and over 1600 square feet of living space.  :-)  It’s marvelous.  The only downside we’ve really noticed over the past month and a half has been how hard it is to keep this place cool; one side of the apt faces east, and the other faces west, so we catch the sun all day long.  We’re going to be investing in curtains as soon as possible, no doubt about that.  Other than that we had some trouble with the complex’s management team and maintenance guys when we first moved in, but things seem to have settled down and we at last have reliable hot water and a microwave that doesn’t take 10 minutes to cook spaghettios.

It’s been an adjustment to say the least, but one I’ve embraced and enjoyed every day.  We’ve had a few arguments, but nothing serious.  We’ve clashed on a few things, but again, nothing that turned into a big fight.  I really think Keith and I know how to talk to each other and work through things without making a big deal out of it, and it’s really helped us in our relationship so far.  Living with him has been one of the best decisions I’ve made.  Coming home to see his car already in the garage, and seeing him on the couch or in the dining room still makes me smile.  I love not having to ask “who’s place are we gonna hang out at tonight” because now it’s our place.