I asked my manager to meet with me to discuss this new development.  He’d flat out told me back in February that he understood being a contractor wasn’t very stable work, and that he wouldn’t blame me for looking elsewhere – a fact I didn’t hesitate to bring up when he met with me 3 days after I initially requested the meeting.  I wanted to try and find some middle ground, to show him that I was willing, even anxious, to stay with Komen, but he didn’t seem to care.  The meeting consisted of me outlining my achievements in my time with the company, and the projects I was currently working on and what I had planned for the future, and why I felt it was time for him to meet me halfway and hire me.  While I was doing this, he was counterpointing with why he felt I wasn’t ready, and that he thought I just wasn’t “employee material” yet.

At one point he specifically told me in almost these exact words, “as a contractor, I can make one phone call to the staffing agency and in five minutes I’ll never have to see your face again.  As an employee I can still fire you, but I’d have to draw up performance evaluations, talk to HR, and possibly involve legal.”  I was shocked.  I asked if I had ever done anything to indicate that me being let go would ever even be an issue, and he quickly said that I hadn’t, but that you never know what’s gonna happen and if I were hired his options would be more limited as to how he could handle things.

That was enough for me.  I was tired of being treated as though I brought nothing to the team and that I wasn’t worth even being considered for a permanent position.  I laid it out on the table for him and said that with this other offer, I was prepared to leave if we couldn’t work something out.  He had already stated that he didn’t believe I was being productive enough to be hired (a fact I vehemently disagreed with), so I asked him that if he didn’t think I was that necessary, did he think the other person who works with me could handle the full workload on her own.  He stared at me and told me he didn’t get my meaning.  I looked at him and told him that I wanted to make it work, but would leave if we couldn’t.  All he could say was “okay”, and before I knew it I was already speaking the words that I’d never said before:  ”Consider this my official notice that I’m leaving the company.”

It was empowering, and terrifying all the same.  Again, I got an “okay” as a response and then the meeting was over.  I went back to my desk, and less than half an hour later he made an announcement to the entire IT department that I’d be leaving the company for another job.  Shock of all shocks, I recently found out that he had a friend of his from a previous job interview for my position, and that his friend will be hired shortly.  Show of hands, who’s surprised?  Anyone?  No one?  That’s what I thought.  Me either.  I worked my ass off trying to prove myself to him, and all along he was biding his time until I got tired of it and left, which I did, so he could bring in someone that didn’t know the job but was his buddy.  I’m so glad that people who make it to positions of management are able to put their own desires before the needs of the company; the person he had interview was obviously not technical in nature, and had no experience with the systems we use on a daily basis, and yet he got hired.  I find it very frustrating that he’d rather bring someone in with no experience and train them for weeks to months, just to do a job that I was already doing, merely so he didn’t have to hire me.  Personal reasons?  Probably.  But it’s done with now, and I don’t ever have to deal with him again.

This week was my first week with the new job, and I’m liking it so far.  The people are nice, and my cubicle is huge compared to any I’ve worked in before.  A strange thing to be considered a perk, but I love it all the same.  Leaving Komen was hard, but I didn’t feel that I had any other options.  In two interviews the new company I work for decided that I had enough potential to hire me as an employee from day one, yet my old manager couldn’t see that same potential after evaluating me for over 6 months.  Sometimes these things happen I guess, and I can only hope that it was for a reason.  Maybe this new company is where I’m supposed to be right now.  I’ll just have to wait and see.

While I didn’t hate my last job, there were a lot of things that I didn’t like about it.  I can happily say that almost all of those things are not problems here at my new job.  For instance, at my last job the employees only got to sit down with our manager once every few months to try and touch base with our status and goals and to ask questions, but here I have a firmly scheduled 1:1 meeting every other week that allows me the opportunity to discuss anything I’d like with my manager.  If I have any concerns I can always feel comfortable approaching him outside of that 1:1 environment, but luckily I haven’t really had to yet.  It’s so nice knowing my manager is accessible when I need him, but not a micro-manager who checks on me throughout the day to make sure I’m okay and doing what I’m supposed to be doing.

It’s just a much more relaxed environment.  I don’t have to clock in and out every day, and I don’t have to have a strict 1 hour lunch.  I can come in a little late and just leave late to make up for it.  I can take a short lunch and leave early, or take a long lunch and stay late to compensate.  It’s all very fluid, and I find myself working even harder for this company than for the last because I’m so much more comfortable and at ease here.  I can listen to my iPod while I work, and that always helps the day go by pretty quick.  I can get on IM and talk to my coworkers as needed, but can also talk to friends as long as it doesn’t distract me from work.  This helps me keep in touch with Keith while we’re both at work, and I love being able to do that.

Since I’ve been here we’ve had multiple department lunches that the company picked up the tab for, we had a team-building activity that the whole IT department participated in, and we’ve had various other fun activities in the office that keep things from becoming stagnant.  I’m still a contractor right now, but I’m on the road to becoming a full-time employee, and it can’t happen soon enough.  I can’t wait to be brought into the fold and feel like a permanent fixture around here instead of just a temp.  Here’s hoping!

1. When you get on an elevator and I’m the only other person already on, there is absolutely no reason why there should be any physical contact between us.  I have never been on an elevator so small that two people can’t ride comfortably without being close to each other.  Step back.  Chances are, you smell and I don’t want you rubbing up against me.
2. If you walk up to the elevator and I’m standing there waiting, and the button is glowing, you can safely assume that I did not just choose that spot randomly to hang out at.  I pushed the button and am waiting for an elevator to arrive.  There is no need for you to walk over, make eye contact with me, and push the button 7 times – it won’t make the elevator come any faster.  It will however make me step on your foot when I get off the elevator at my floor.
3. Do not listen to your voicemails on speaker-phone.  We don’t care if your spouse left you a romantic message telling you to be confident and try your hardest.  We don’t care if your stalker left a message simply of their heavy breathing.  And we don’t care if you left yourself a message reminding you not to forget your gym shorts in the bottom drawer again.  Stop being lazy and pick up the damn receiver and listen to the messages instead of inflicting them on the whole office.  Otherwise, I’m going to call you after hours and leave a message stating that we’re foreclosing your home because your last mortgage payment bounced and our research shows it was due to your excessive amount of money spent on hookers, and then I’ll laugh hysterically when you listen to that on speaker-phone the following day.
4. I don’t care how much you love your ringtone or text message alert sound, nobody else in the office does.  If we hear it once, we assume you forgot to put it on silent and we let it go by without much thought.  18 times later, I’m going to beat you over the head with a 3 hole punch.  I don’t want to hear the same sound over and over again all day long just so you can feel important that someone is text messaging you.  You’re not.  The autopsy will confirm that.
5. If a meeting starts at 2 and ends at 3, an appropriate time to show up is not 2:52.  The meeting is over.  At this point, we’re all wondering where you were, and figuring out a way to punish you for not showing up.  Your half-hearted claim that you were busy and couldn’t get away from your desk is bull.  I saw you surfing Facebook earlier and updating your twitter all morning.  We will now shun you.  That big luncheon that was scheduled for next week which we told you was cancelled?  It wasn’t.  We’re gonna have a blast.  Then call you 8 minutes before it’s over and ask why you couldn’t make it.  Tweet about that.
6. You’re busy.  I’m busy.  We’re all busy.  When do you ever see me sitting around telling anyone who passes by how much I wish I had more work to do?  Oh yeah, it was never.  Stop trying to get me to do your job and mine as well simply because you’re feeling overwhelmed.  Once or twice, fine, I’m a reasonable guy.  Every day?  I’ll bite you, I swear I will.
7. Parking garages (and even parking lots) often have spaces designated as being for “compact cars”.  So why is it they’re always filled with Hummers and Ford F350s?  And I say filled because I mean filled.  They take up the whole spot, plus some overflow on each side, making it impossible for anyone else to park in the directly surrounding spots for fear of not being able to open their doors.  So instead of 3 cars getting spots, your one humongously oversized truck/SUV/tank gets it.  I would spread a rumor that you have tiny genitalia, but it’s no fun to spread a rumor that’s very likely true.  I’ll just consistently let the air out of your tires, and practice my voodoo.  Just wait.  I’ll getcha.
8. If you see me approaching the elevator and start pushing the button to close the doors because you want it to yourself, I will purposely run and throw my body onto the elevator and stare at you the whole ride up.  And if I get off before you, I’ll push the buttons for every other floor and then stare at you with a smile as the doors close behind me.  Stop being an ass.
9. If you need to have more than 30 second conversation with someone, schedule time in a small conference room to discuss your issues.  I don’t want you standing right behind me talking to someone about how the deadline for the such and such is tomorrow and you haven’t finished the thingamajig and you’re gonna jump off the roof if you don’t get it done in time since you’ll almost certainly be fired for being incompetent.  If I have to listen to you talking about that for more than 30 seconds, I’ll show you the way to the roof and advise you not to land in any bushes or soft objects below.
10. Please don’t bring Chinese food into work for lunch, and then eat it at your desk.  Just about every corporate building has a cafeteria – a place specifically designed to smell like food and facilitate its being eaten.  You wanna eat a sandwich at your desk?  Fine.  Go for it.  You wanna eat something that’s going to smell up the whole office?  Be aware that I’m going to lean over your cube and spray you in the face with air freshener to try and balance it out.  You have been given fair warning.
11. If you’re going to bring up every fundraiser your child’s school has and expect your coworkers to buy all that useless crap that we don’t really want, then you had better be willing to do the same when we start peddling our kids’ crap.  Too many times have I seen people sell popcorn, girl scout cookies, wrapping paper, and all other kinds of ridiculously random stuff to coworkers, then turn around and say that they don’t have any money to return the favor, all the while planning their next family trip to who-knows-where.  If you don’t buy the stuff I’m peddling, I will sneak sugar into your carry-on baggage and warn the airport that you’re smuggling cocaine.  Enjoy your cavity search.
12. Newsflash: sound travels.  If you’re listening to a radio at your desk, everyone you can hear it.  There does not exist a comfortable volume that you can both hear the music over the sound of your keyboard and mouse clicks, but still keep your neighbors from having to listen to it.  What’s worse is that the people who listen to music loudly at their desk rarely have commonly shared taste – they’re usually huge fans of heavy metal, deep south country, or polka.  Stop it, or I’ll be forced to modify the system files on your computer, and from now on when your computer starts up you’ll be greeted by farm animal noises, thus perpetuating the rumor I also started about your torrid love affairs with sheep.  Write a country song about that.
13. If you are cold, do not complain to building management and request the temperature be raised.  How about you stop wearing short sleeve shirts to work if you’re feeling chilly?  Some people are required to wear dress shirts and slacks, and those don’t really breathe very well, so said people get quite warm.  They don’t need you requesting the temperature be set to 82 so you can feel nice and toasty at your desk.  Wear a sweater.  Wear a jacket.  Get up off your ass and move around to stimulate blood flow.  When you’re cold, you can do something about it.  When everyone else gets hot, it’s not really work appropriate to strip down to cool off.  If you don’t follow this rule, I’ll be forced to sneak hot sauce into all the food you brought for lunch.  You won’t be feeling very cold after eating that.
14. Don’t print out a 300 page report all at once in the middle of the day.  Other people need to use that printer too, likely for one or two pages, and they shouldn’t have to sit around all day waiting for your document to finish.  Split it up into a few smaller sized pieces.  You’ll still get your report printed, but other people will be able to intermittently print their documents too.  Everyone wins.  If you don’t comply, I’ll steal pages 109-147 out of your report.  Hope there wasn’t anything important in there.
15. During a fire drill/alarm, do not push everyone out of your way to make it to the stairs faster.  We would all like to escape, thank you.  Pushing me over will not facilitate your safe escape without any repercussions.  Chances are, I’ll get back on my feet and make it downstairs just fine.  However, when it’s safe to return inside I’ll rush straight to your desk and start taking things.  And shredding things.  And then I’ll limp past you later feigning innocence as you cry over your missing Snoopy pen.
16. If you have to have a badge of some sort to activate the elevator or the parking garage or the door to your area of the office, please have it out and ready when you get to said spot.  I am tired of being behind you while you dig in your car to find your badge, or upend your purse in the elevator looking for it, or dig through your pockets all the while laughing awkwardly and pretending you haven’t done the same thing everyday of your employment here.  I’m tired of it, and so is everyone else.  If we can have the necessary identification ready and available when necessary, so can you.  Get with it, or next time I see you I’m going to rush over and tape it to your forehead.
17. We live in the 21st century, not the Dark Ages.  When it comes to trivial little questions or ramblings, an instant message or an email will more than suffice.  You can even throw in an “lol” or an emoticon and then go along with your day, never having gotten up from your desk.  But no, that’s no good.  You have to get up and walk across the office to talk to your friend, then walk back to your desk, then walk to someone else’s desk 3 minutes later with a follow-up question, then back to your desk, and so on and so forth all day long.  I tire of seeing your face walk past my desk.  Technology is a great asset.  I’m not asking you to plug your brain into your computer and disconnect all social interaction, just to be aware of the fact that your constant pacing back and forth across the office is distracting to those of us actually working, and your conversations are also a nuisance, one which could be accomplished even quicker and with absolute silence via the computer.  Take advantage of the technology, or I will build a sentient robot to shoot laser beams at you every time you pass my desk.

As you can see, I’m moderately bitter.  Working in corporate America is tough, but if everyone followed the rules we’d all be just fine.  Spread the word.  Or else…

And I did just that.  I met my manager and my coworkers (one of which I knew from Citigroup and had been looking forward to seeing every since I found out about the job), sat through multiple meetings and training sessions, and then was thrown onto my computer to get to work.  I have email, a phone, and a tiny little half-cubicle that nobody else wanted but that I’m perfectly happy to stay in until something bigger is available.  :-)

It’s gonna be a great job.  I can already tell that even though things may seem a little tedious, that I’m going to enjoy myself at this company.  I’ll do my best at everything I do and try to keep my head up and look on the bright side of every situation.  I was unemployed for 8 months – I’m just happy to get my foot back in the door somewhere.

I stopped at Walmart on my way home today and picked up a few little things I’d like for my desk that I can’t really request from the supply room at work.  Organizers and such.  I’m gonna make myself comfortable.  I intend to be there for quite a while.

The interview was in the Renaissance Tower in Dallas taking place on one of the uppermost floors.  I could swear their elevators are Star Trek-like turbolifts, seeing as how the elevator moved dozens of floors in a matter of seconds.  I’d be anxious to see a diagram of how fast it actually moves, and probably wouldn’t want to ride again.  I was a little early (though the recruiter had told me to be there at 10 a.m. originally, the night before he sent me an email with directions and told me to be there at 9 which I received the morning of the interview and luckily had enough time to quickly get ready and depart) and waited in the lobby for HR to come retrieve me.

I was escorted to yet another upper floor and introduced to the interviewer, the man who would potentially someday become my direct manager.  He was incredibly nice and casual and the interview lasted for over an hour and a half.  He asked me a few technical questions to gauge my expertise and I actually managed to answer them all.  I remember one interview years ago where I was asked how to locate a network resource from a command prompt; the word “ping” eluded me and I stupidly stumbled around for a couple minutes trying to describe the simplest of network protocols.  Suffice it to say, I never heard back from that company and have since then been terrified of technical interviews.  After this recent interview however, I am much more confident about them.

As the technical aspect finished, we began casually chatting and the fact that I have an iPhone came up in the conversation.  His face lit up and he let me know that his entire team (him and 3 subordinates) all have iPhones, and that would make me the final piece of the puzzle.  I laughed and did backflips mentally – maybe this was my way in!  He did mention that he has no love for Apple products in general though, only the iPhone, so I kept my mouth shut on the fact that I own two Macs and no Windows machines.  :-)

It ended well and he told me not to expect to hear back for at least a week due to a number of other interviews he had to conduct.  I thanked him, left, and heard nothing for almost two weeks.  Then the recruiter called me and told me they wanted me in for a second interview.  Upon my arrival to that interview, the front desk receptionists told me that they don’t ever have anyone back if they don’t really like them, so this must mean good things for me.  For the second go around I met not only with my would-be direct manager, but his manager as well.  The meeting only lasted 30 minutes and was a little more intense and less casual.  They both asked me a few questions and admitted to being impressed with my answers.  I felt that everything went well, and left confident that I’d done my best.

I talked to my recruiter yesterday and he told me that the company has narrowed it down to me and one other candidate.  It’s the final lap of the race, and I’m pushing my neck out as far as it can possibly go without tripping before the finish line.  I want this job.  I need this job.  They’re supposed to be making a decision this week, which pretty much means they have until tomorrow to decide and inform the candidate of their choosing.  Supposedly.  This is all according to the information my recruiter has, so it may not be exactly accurate.

I’m going a little crazy.  I’ve been unemployed for almost five whole months now.  I’m tired of it.  I really hope I’m what this company wants because it sure sounds like the kind of place I could fit in.  Hopefully I’ll know tomorrow.

I have been without a job for almost four full months now.  That’s ridiculous.  I never thought it would take me this long to find something else after being laid off by Citi, but it has.  In all this time, I’ve had one interview and it was only by phone; I never heard back about scheduling one in person despite numerous attempts to follow-up.  Each week goes by with more applications going out, and no phone calls coming in.  For the first couple months I would go out almost every day to spend time with friends and relax just because I could.  Now I do so because I can’t stand the sight of the inside of my apartment.  On the days when I’m home, it’s practically torture to stare at the same walls all day, every day, with little time away.  The days just keep dragging on, and I find every excuse possible to stay busy so I don’t notice just how long I’ve really been unemployed.

I keep telling myself that I’m not useless.  I only do so because so many people around me have jumped all over me whenever I even hint that I’m feeling that way.  Since I was a junior in high school, I’ve only felt useful when working.  The few times I’ve been without work, it’s always been a very short time and I never had to put much thought into it.  Now I’m looking at how long I’ve gone without work.  Part of me wants to say it’s the way the economy is right now, and that there aren’t many jobs, but that’s just not the case in actuality.  There are jobs – I’ve seen them and applied for them – but none of them want me.  It’s a harsh truth, but there it is.

I have always been a night person, but more so lately than ever before.  It’s rare for me to be tired enough for bed before 2 a.m. and then I sleep in until around 11 each morning.  I usually wake up around 7 or 8 naturally, but I just don’t have anything to do to fill the time nowadays, so I just roll back over and sleep.  I send out resumes, I apply for jobs online, I pass out my business cards just about everywhere I go, but nothing comes of any of it.  I feel like I’m just moving from one day to the next, never really making progress.  I want a job.  I want to work.  I want to be useful again.

I’ve decided to try and pursue the consulting business.  I’ve wanted to work with computers outside of a corporate business since before I went to college for my IT degree.  I never really wanted to wear a suit and tie and tweak servers all day.  I want to work with individuals and small businesses to help them get technologically organized and setup in a way that will benefit them, and in the process benefit me.  Owning a house would be wonderful.  I know I’m still moderately young, but I’ve been in apartments since a week after graduating high school.  I’m tired of it.  I want a home.  But for now, I can’t do both, so I will just have to put everything I have into the business and hope it pays off.

People always say “you have to spend money to make money”.  Until recently, I never realized how true it was.  Just for my small business I’m going to be out of pocket over $1000 just in startup costs alone.  Not counting any office supplies or setting up a home-office in my apartment.  Not counting the new desktop computer I’ll be buying to be placed in that office to help with tracking business expenses and income.  It’s very scary to know that I have a set amount of money in my savings account, and no more is going in there until I start making money doing the consulting.  But I can’t do the consulting until I legally make myself an LLC and file for the domain and market myself with a website and business cards, etc etc, so on and so forth.  So I have to spend what little money I have in the hopes that it will yield higher returns.  How terrifying is that?

I have just over 1 month to get this started and begin recruiting clients.  I hope I can do it.

I got a call later in the afternoon from one of her coworkers asking me some more detailed questions about my current duties.  He was more interested in the kinds of applications I support, if I do anything with hardware which I answered in the affirmative.  He then quizzed me on a few more things, then touched on the fact that my resume doesn’t focus on my helpdesk roles, but more on the the other things I’ve done.  To which I thought, “why would ‘answers phones and responds to email’ belong on my resume?”  I focused on the more describable roles like writing training documentation, conducting training sessions, taking on support of new applications, etc.  He told me I need to revise it in order to appeal to this position, which I agreed to do.  I made the changes and emailed it back to him awaiting his response.

He called me shortly after and told me that it looked okay, but he was concerned about my school status.  My resume states that I’m currently pursuing a Master’s degree, and he didn’t care for that.  Apparently the position I’m being considered for requires a rotating schedule which is not flexible to be worked around school.  I told him that my schedule isn’t set yet, but that I’d only need one or two nights a week to be free for a few hours, but he still didn’t like that.  He then proceeded to tell me he’d increase the salary they were offering me by a few thousand dollars if I agreed to drop out of school.  Yup.  He told me that he’d pay me more if I’d stop going to school.  I said no.  He told me it decreased my chances of getting the position, but that he’d forward it on to the hiring manager anyways.

I got a call less than an hour later letting me know that the hiring manager really liked my resume and that my skills are exactly what they’re looking for, but that they won’t budge on the matter of me going to school.  He told me the manager has employees already working for her that want to go back to school but are forbidden from doing so because their schedules won’t allow it.  So if current employees get no wiggle room, neither would I as a new hire.  Either I drop out, or I don’t get the job.  I told them thanks but no thanks and that I wasn’t interested any longer.  Any job that would specifically tell me to drop out of school is not a job I want to take.  That’s ridiculous that a company would specifically want their employees to not go to school to better themselves.

So I’m bummed that my potential interview didn’t pan out, but even if it had the job wouldn’t have been worth taking.  Hopefully the rest of the potential job offers aren’t like this.  Then again, I’m just hoping that there are other job offers.

Because the deductions are taking from each paycheck to recover the money spent on the card, if an employee is terminated their paychecks will cease and the deductions will have nowhere to pull money from.  The loophole is, because the money is deducted automatically, if the employee is no longer active, they can no longer automatically deduct the money, and they can’t do anything about it.  This has been repeatedly confirmed by fellow employees with the flex account helpdesk – they will not come after you for whatever you’ve spent which hasn’t been deducted at the time of your termination.  Thus my dilemma.

I know my approximate term date in advance.  I have the ability to put a substantial amount of money on the flex card and finally get the Lasik eye surgery I’ve been thinking about for so long, and essentially not have to pay for it.  I’ll have a few deductions while I’m on my severance period, but once that time is up I’m free and owe no more.  I’ve been assured numerous times by varied sources that they have no way to demand the money at a later date, and take it as a loss.

So I’m up against a wall at this point, unsure of what to do.  One part of me states that if the loophole is there, there’s nothing wrong with taking advantage of it.  I’m sure the company is aware of it at this point, and if it were necessary they’d take care of it.  This is the part that says “go for it” and wants to get the Lasik.  The other part of me says that it’d be wrong to do this and get off without having to pay very much for an expensive procedure that the company will still have to cover.  This is the part of me that says “you know better” and seems to think glasses are still cool.

I see both sides with equal clarity (despite the glasses).  I just can’t decide what I’m going to do.  But whatever I’m going to decide, I need to do it quickly.  I have exactly one week to choose my benefits and request a flex spending card.  *sigh*  What am I going to do?

[EDIT - 10/28/08 - The time has come and gone, and I chose not to take advantage of the loophole to my benefit.  I passed the opportunity up and decided that if I am going to do this, I'll do it right someday.  Situation resolved.]

There are some good sides and bad sides to every situation, and I’m trying to remain optimistic.  But it’s difficult.  I loved this job when I first started, and used to rave about it and the company to anyone who was caught standing still for a few seconds.  But over the past two years my opinion both of my position and my employer have drastically degraded to the point that I despised not only what I was doing, but myself for not making the effort to change it.  I’m not one to blame others for everything wrong in my life.  I long ago accepted that if I truly wanted a change, I’d step out there and make an effort, but I never did.

Meetings are being held all week to discuss how this affects us and when over the next two month transition period we’ll actually be individually let go.  On the plus side, I’ll be granted a severance package of some sort and extended benefits to be paid for by the company.  On the downside, they aren’t indefinite and I’ll have to hope I can find a suitable replacement job (preferably a step above my current position) quickly.  On the plus side, all the money they’ve contributed towards my school tuition will be forgiven and I won’t have to pay them a dime.  On the downside, my few short years with the company don’t ultimately add to much in the corporate world when considering amount of experience for another position elsewhere.

I have a couple months to look for another job, and will fervently do so.  I haven’t decided whether or not I will actively pursue any other positions within this same company, but my first inclination is to look elsewhere.  I haven’t been happy here and the company as a whole is poorly managed with skewed priorities, at least in my opinion.

I’m going to turn this into something positive.  Being negative complaining about this situation will get me nowhere.  I have faith that something good will come of these bad circumstances.  I can do this.