Another year passes by, and another approaches just around the riverbend…I mean the corner. I’ve had some serious ups and downs this year, but looking around I know that lots of other people have too. I can’t pretend that my life was awful and that “2009 was the worst year ever” like I’ve heard so many times in the past few days. With social networking being what it is, Facebook and Twitter have been teeming with all the same-old-same-old colloquialisms about how this year was just awful and that hopefully next year will be better. But these are the same people who said the exact same thing last year, and will say the same next year. I had a mix of good and bad, but I won’t forget either to favor the other.
Archive for the “Reflection” CategorySometimes when I walk past a mirror, I actually do a double-take at the face staring back at me. I see my face, and I stare as if looking at a stranger. When I lock eyes with myself, I still see a little boy. I see the teenager who had no idea where his life was going, or how he was going to make it on his own. And the boy in the mirror looks back at me and seems to ask if I’m doing it right, living up to the ideal of what he thought it would be like. It’s Christmas again, and for once I actually feel like I’m in the spirit of things. In the past I’ve barely tolerated the season, becoming a “Scrooge” of sorts, refusing to listen to Christmas music and never understanding the lengths people go to in order to decorate their homes. While I didn’t go out caroling this year, nor did I put up any Christmas decorations, I did feel more cheery than normal. A lot of things in my life have been moving in a positive direction lately, and it’s affecting my outlook on life I think. I seem to be more optimistic, and I smile a lot more. And for those moments when I felt angry and bitter at the world (usually these moments took place while at work), I actually realized it and tried to bring myself back to where I should be. For once in my life, I actually appreciated Christmas for what it really means and enjoyed it. Trust is a funny thing. It’s so hard to build up and so easy to destroy. My parents used to tell me this all the time and I never fully understood. I’d do something stupid and lie about it, and they’d express their disappointment at how I couldn’t be trusted. Then for weeks or even months I’d be good and tell the truth and they wouldn’t listen. Over time, trust can be earned back, but it can just as easily be swept away again. The more it happens, the more difficult it is to rebuild, until you finally just pack up and decide to place your trust elsewhere. I never really understood my parents and how they could seem so hurt over something as trivial as a lie. That was then. This is now. And one very large deception has called so much into question in my life. This weekend my family all came into town to celebrate my grandfather’s 80th birthday. Thing is, he had no idea that he was getting a party on quite that scale when he agreed to come. I’m assuming he only thought it’d be a small gathering of family, completely unaware that his extended family and friends would be flying in from all over the country to be there for him on this big milestone. But I probably enjoyed it almost as much as he did. For me it wasn’t just a celebration of his birthday, it was a family reunion where I got to see cousins I haven’t seen in years. It was awkward at first, but it all mellowed out and turned into a great weekend. |
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