Sometimes when I walk past a mirror, I actually do a double-take at the face staring back at me. I see my face, and I stare as if looking at a stranger. When I lock eyes with myself, I still see a little boy. I see the teenager who had no idea where his life was going, or how he was going to make it on his own. And the boy in the mirror looks back at me and seems to ask if I’m doing it right, living up to the ideal of what he thought it would be like.
Archive for the “Life” CategoryWhen I first decided to write this blog entry, I had it all planned out what I was going to say. I thought of so many different things to talk about and different memories to write about, but now that I’m sitting here ready to write it all out, it escapes me. I’ve been staring at the screen for a few moments with a blank stare, wondering where all of that went. I’m a pretty open person most of the time; I’d go so far as to say I actually rarely keep anything to myself. My mouth runs non-stop at any given time, but that doesn’t mean I don’t keep things to myself. Everybody has things they keep to themselves and share with only a select few, and this is one of those things. Something I don’t talk about very often because I just don’t know what to say about any of it. But for the first time, I’m gonna try. I’ve never really given it much thought, and when I realized that last night it bothered me. I need to think about it and remember it all. This will help. I hope. Today would’ve been my little sister’s 12th birthday. The first day of my healthier eating habits is drawing to a close, and I’m quite pleased with myself and how it is turning out. After a midnight workout, I set an alarm and woke up at 9 a.m. this morning, which pathetically was the earliest I’ve been up in weeks. I haven’t been sleeping well lately, but maybe the workout last night and the determination to start making a difference in my life helped me to roll out of bed so “early” today. With groceries in the fridge and pantry, it was time to start making better choices when hunger struck. I realized earlier today/yesterday (depending on your frame of reference) that too long have I allowed myself to be unhealthy. I’ve made excuses for myself and let them allow me to make all the bad decisions I shouldn’t be making. Since I was laid off I have gained about 20 pounds. That’s ridiculous. At first I told myself that I was just laid off and deserved to take some time to relax and eat whatever I want and pretty much just mope around the apartment feeling sorry for myself. Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, and here I am over 260 pounds. I share this embarrassing fact because I’m making some changes, and it’s time to be accountable for them – and this blog will help me do that. Well the weekend has come and gone, but I’m sad to see it go. I spent the weekend constantly on the go, but in the best possible way. I spent it with family and friends having a great time. Sunday was my 6 month-iversary with Keith, and Monday was my birthday. Saturday was spent with different friends just relaxing and having fun, but Sunday was reserved for Keith and I to be together on the special day, and he even took off work Monday so he could be with me on my birthday in a way that nobody else ever really has. It was wonderful in every way it could have been. |
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