I measured out two cups of Special K cereal and one cup of fat free milk, and had myself a nice little breakfast.  I can’t remember the last time I actually got up in time to call it breakfast instead of lunch, but today won’t be the last time.  I normally have orange juice with cereal, but today I decided that even a small glass wasn’t acceptable.  I won’t be so strict as the days and weeks go on, but if I don’t have determination at the beginning, I’ll give up on the whole thing by the end of the week.  A couple hours after breakfast I was already hungry (understandably so, as two cups of cereal doesn’t really fill you up), so I had myself a fresh banana.  Another first – I don’t know when I last just grabbed a piece of fruit and ate it.  It curbed my appetite for a little while, but again, not for too long.

I made myself a can our Campbell’s chunky soup for lunch and for the first time (notice a theme yet?) I didn’t add crackers.  As anyone who really knows me can attest, I will usually add crackers to a soup until it’s so thick you could eat it with a fork.  It’s just how I like it.  Well, crackers add calories and fat and carbs and all kinds of things, so I decided to pace myself and eat just the soup itself, but slowly enough that it would hopefully fill me up.  A bottle of water accompanied this meal instead of soda or milk or juice, and I didn’t really mind it like I thought I would.

After lunch I headed back to the gym for another 30 minute workout.  I won’t always workout twice a day, but for right now it feels good and I need the exercise badly.  And unlike my midnight workout earlier, I wasn’t exhausted after 30 minutes, but I still decided not to push it today and called it quits.  I burned about 600 calories today between my two workouts, a number that I’m satisfied with for now, though I remember burning around 800 when I used to workout for an hour at a time.  *shrugs*  I’ll get there again.

I had another banana for an afternoon snack, and then started cooking dinner.  For my first big meal on the diet I decided to make a healthy pasta consisting of whole wheat Penne Rigate noodles, organic tomato sauce, and extra lean ground white turkey meat.  When I used to cook this type of meal (though I’ve never used this sauce or type of noodle before), I always cook the whole meal at once and divided it three portions so it would last for multiple meals.  I did the same tonight, ending up with three equal portions, two of which went into tupperware and the fridge, one of which ended up on my plate.  Another difference I tried this time to save calories and so forth was to only use half the jar of sauce instead of the whole thing, and I couldn’t tell a bit of difference in the taste.  I treated myself to a glass of milk with the meal, and took a picture to share [seen below].

It’s not even 7 o’clock yet and I’ve already had dinner.  How unusual for me, but I am okay with it.  I’m committed to earlier dinners and no more midnight or 1 a.m. snacks.  These habits have to stop now if I’m going to make any progress.  All in all I ended the day at about 1766 calories (give or take a few), just under the goal of 1780-2130 calories per day that was put before me by a website I’ve used in the past to track food and exercise habits.  Take into account the 600 calories I burned, and you can figure that I only took in about 1100 calories or so today, minus the amount of calories you burn just by walking and being alive.  I don’t know where that puts me exactly at the end of the day, but I do know I feel good about it.  I’ve also included below a couple pie charts that show very well how my calories today can be broken down.  First by each individual food item, then by meal, and then by carbs/fat/protein content.  The website suggests I lower my carb and protein intake a little bit, and raise my fat intake, but I think I’m okay for now.

I believe I’m off to a good start.  :-)

I went shopping a few hours ago and spent more money than normal on groceries.  That’s because this time I didn’t buy ramen noodles and spaghettios and that sort of junk (that tastes oh-so-delicious).  This time I bought whole wheat pasta and turkey meat and bottled water instead of diet soda.  These choices are expensive, but ultimately worth it.  This was another one of my excuses for gaining weight – I’m unemployed and healthy food is more expensive than unhealthy food.  This is a true fact for the most part, but one that shouldn’t have been used as a crutch to let me gain so much weight.  I have stretch marks on my stomach people – it’s time for it all to stop.

The other huge change I made was that I decided to start going back to the gym.  The gym that I pay about $25 a month to not visit.  In fact, I looked in iCal and saw that the last time I worked out at the gym was September 2nd, 2008.  That’s pathetic.  For the past 9 months I’ve paid to not go to the gym because I kept telling myself that if I cancelled my membership, when I finally did decide to go back it would’ve cost more to rejoin.  I don’t think they charge $225 to join.  Money down the drain, but not anymore.  I’m starting back effective 1 hour ago.

I got off my ass and went to the gym at five minutes past midnight.  The place was practically empty as I prefer it to be, and I hiked upstairs and climbed up onto the elliptical trainer machine and began my workout.  I set a goal of 60 minutes and started pedaling/running my way to weight loss.  I had my headphones plugged into my iPod touch and laughed away the pounds watching “Family Guy” for a little while.  Once the first 20 minutes had passed, I realized I wasn’t going to make it an hour.  I know I’m going to make it there eventually because that’s what I used to do back when I was visiting the gym on a consistent basis, but 60 minutes the first time out just wasn’t feasible tonight.

I settled for half an hour and drove home physically exhausted.  I took a shower and then started writing this.  I’m nurturing my second bottle of water in the past 2 hours and I’m hoping to continue drinking it all tomorrow/later today and the days to follow.  I’ve made excuses for myself for too long.  It’s time for some changes.

First and foremost, I want to be a little more healthy.  Yes, it’s the same resolution as just about everyone else in the world is making right now.  I’m not promising myself that I’ll hit the gym 5 times a week and eat less than 1500 calories a day.  I’m just telling myself that I need to cut down on fast food and replace even the diet soda with plain bottled water.  Not every day, but often.  I want to go back to the gym again.  I’ve been paying for a membership that I’ve refused to use lately and that’s just idiotic.  I’ve got to get serious about being more healthy.

In the past I’ve always made a resolution to find someone to begin a relationship with.  While I no longer need to make that particular resolution, I do intend to keep working at the one I have.  By no means is finding someone the end of the effort.  I want to make sure I’m the best possible person I could be both for Keith and for myself.  The effort isn’t over just because we’re together.  As anyone in a relationship can tell you, that’s when the real work begins.  I want to continue being the man that makes him happy, and I’m going to work to make sure that doesn’t change.

I’ve always been pessimistic and lately it’s really been bothering me.  I have a lot on my plate and I’m stressing out, but I can’t let it get me down like it has been.  I have to realize that stressing out and looking at things negatively isn’t going to help anything, and will most likely only serve to drive others away from me and that’s the last thing I want right now.  I simply have to take a deep breath and stop being so negative.  I think I’ll work in baby steps though.  For now, I’ll just worry about not vocalizing it as much; once I’ve got that down, then I’ll actually start changing my thought patterns.

That’s really all I have.  Nothing drastic.  Nothing major.  2008 taught me a lot, and I’m sure 2009 will as well.  Life is an adventure, and I’m anxious to see what 2009 holds for me and those around me.

I didn’t have a lot of money while I was in school, so I consistently ate whatever was cheapest.  For breakfast that usually meant generic brand sugary cereals, or chocolate chip waffles that I’d eat in the car on the way to class.  Lunch and dinner was almost always something from the pasta family – macaroni & cheese, ramen noodles, or spaghettios.  Healthy stuff, right?  I gained weight in a hurry.  When I graduated college I had leveled out at 240.  I was no longer thin.

I tried for over a year off and on to try and lose some weight.  I’d eat healthy, cut back on soda, and bike on the $100 exercise machine I bought on sale at Academy, but it never seemed to last.  For a while I went practically without eating, living solely on protein shakes and mini-carrots, but that only lasted a week.  I lost quite a bit of weight, but I was hungry and miserable and knew better than to try and keep it up.  So I began eating again, and the healthy habits didn’t last long.

I’m finally at a place in my life though where I seem capable of consistency and change.  I’ve joined a gym and try to work out at least a few times a week for an hour each time, eating healthy every day with a few rare exceptions on the weekend just to make sure I don’t get frustrated and give up.  I eat healthy cereal for breakfast, a nice soup for lunch, and I usually have spaghetti for dinner.  For some people, eating the same foods would bother them, but not me.  If the food’s good, I could eat it all the time.  That was what got me into trouble in college in the first place, but at least this time around the food’s better for me.

I’ve lost a little weight since I started, but the other differences are more noticeable.  My pants fit better, my face is thinning out, and my energy level is much higher than it used to be.  If measuring by pounds, the change hasn’t been much so far, but I haven’t given up hope because I see that I’m finally making headway.  I am trying my hardest and I think it’s working.

For the past few years, every Thanksgiving my family gets together for a big reunion and we all have a blast.  And every year, at least one family comes up to me and pokes me in the stomach and says something about me having put on weight or how they think I should change whatever it is I’m doing that way I stop gaining and start losing.  Maybe they’re trying to help and don’t realize how rude it is, or maybe they think making me feel bad is the surest way to make me try harder.  Either way, it’s ended up being one of the biggest motivators.  I hate that fact because in a way it’s like they win and I don’t like letting rude people win, but that’s simply how it goes.  I’m doing everything I can to be in better shape this year than in years past because I would like for once to have people tell me that I look nice and not that I’m fat.

The one thing that has consistently bothered me throughout my campaign to lose weight is that I originally assumed I’d be saving money by cutting down on soda and fast food.  That’s just simply not the case.  I spent over $70 at the grocery store today for food that would last me the rest of this week.  Skim milk, healthy spaghetti, healthy soup, fat free crackers, whole grain bread, etc.  I got so mad when I went to look for cereal and saw that the all natural healthy cereals are twice the cost of the normal brands, and come in boxes half the size.  When will these food companies realize that the people who need to lose weight the most are almost always the people who can’t afford to pay the exorbitant cost of all these “lite” meals?  I can’t afford half the foods I think would be good for me.  I compromise sometimes and get something middle of the road because I just can’t justify spending so much money on food when I have other bills to pay.  And this is a big problem that I don’t see resolving itself anytime soon.  If it weren’t so damn expensive to eat healthy, more people would do it.

By the way…I had tuna helper for lunch today.  Over 1000 calories for one meal.  It’s Sunday – bite me.