My friend Jayme was the first person I knew personally to own a Prius.  She dreamed of it for eons (or a couple years, one of the two) and finally managed to purloin one.  According to my recollection, her cousin Sarah then decided that a Prius is way cooler than a “Slug Bug” and that no longer would anyone get hit when a Bug drove past – now the only people getting hit would be the ones who didn’t spot a nearby Prius fast enough to claim it for themselves.  The game caught on like wildfire (between the three of us) and we laughed away all the bruises.

As of late, the game has begun to spread.  Jayme’s mom now plays, a fact I learned while riding in the car with her last month when she surprised me by severely beating me on 5 different occasions in the course of one afternoon of errands, all with a huge smile on her face that she was part of the cool crowd playing Prius.  Even after my embarrassing defeat at the fist of Judy, I foolishly taught the game to both my youngest brother and Keith.  Since teaching them this game, I have suffered many a beating at their delight.  Sure, every once in a while I manage to smack them, but being the driver puts me in the unfortunate role of having to watch the road, not the surrounding cars.  I remember Keith thinking the game was stupid at first, but now he seems to excel at it.  Damn.

In spite of all this, there seems to be a few questions as to how the game is played and what all it entails.  I’d like to take this chance to teach the public (meaning the 8 people who read this blog) how to play Prius and be cool.

1. The first rule of Prius, is to tell everyone about Prius.  You can’t play a game nobody is aware of, so spread the word far and wide.  If you don’t, I’m pretty sure that makes you a communist.
2. No longer does seeing a Volkswagen Beetle/Bug entitle you to punch someone in the arm.  Doing so authorizes the driver to push the eject button and launch your ass out of the car.  If their car doesn’t come equipped with an eject button (but whose doesn’t nowadays?), then be prepared to have the passenger door opened, your seatbelt unbuckled, and your body ingloriously pushed from the moving vehicle.  We’re not kidding about this one – Slug Bug is dead people, it’s now the age of the Prius.
3. When a Prius is spotted in the wild, simply hitting someone doesn’t count, and will likely get you a great big shiner.  To truly claim the beautiful hybrid, you must shout “PRIUS!” and point it out.  This will protect you from unjustified return beatings as promised by the bylaws of Prius.
4. If you own a Toyota Prius, you can’t smack anyone nearby everytime you see your own vehicle, nor can they hit you or anyone else.  Owned Priuses (or as Jayme refers to them, Prii) do not count towards the game, as that is not very sportsman-like.  You may only hit someone if you spot a Prius that is not owned by you or your traveling companions.
5. A Prius on TV doesn’t count.  If you don’t see it in person, you can’t begin beating anyone in your direct proximity.
6. Toyota Dealerships do indeed count, so if you happen to drive past one with anyone near you, be sure to sneakily spot the section of Priuses/Prii and commence beating the crap out of anyone within reach.
7. There used to be an archaic rule that when playing Slug Bug you had to say “no slug backs” or the slugee was allowed to hit you back.  That’s stupid, and in keeping with the caliber of people who still play Slug Bug.  Prius is above that.  Once you spot one and hit someone, that Prius has been claimed and no further hits are allowed.  Deal with it cry babies.
8. When in the role of “passenger” of a car, please be cautious as to with how much force you wail on the driver.  If you don’t want the driver to lose consciousness and careen the car off the side of a cliff (assuming you often drive near cliffs), simply smack them gently and yell “PRIUS!” to validate the smack.  Drivers however are allowed to beat passengers as thoroughly as they desire.  Again – deal with it cry babies.
9. You cannot store up Prius sightings and then let loose on a clueless victim (stranger or otherwise) later on.  Any Priuses/Prii spotted while alone are immediately invalidated.  Sucks to be you – make some friends and ride around with them.
10. Other hybrids don’t count, so don’t even try it.  Hybrid Camrys, beautiful though they are, are not Priuses/Prii, thus they are not covered by the Prius game.  Neither is any other hybrid vehicle, so if you hit someone and try to shout “Hybrid Highlander!”, be prepared to be hit back since you won’t be covered by the protection of the Prius rules.  (As a side note, yes, all my hybrid references are made by Toyota.  That’s because any other hybrid sucks.  Toyota makes the Prius, thus they are the best.)

These are the rules as of the time of this posting.  Feel free to post your own rules in the comments.  If I feel they’re worthy of being added to the rulebook, I’ll amend the list and provide credit.  By the power invested in me by the Toyota Corporation (not really, but let’s pretend for the sake of Priuses/Prii everywhere), I declare the Prius game officially begun.

Then I calmed down a little and took a deep breath, thinking surely it was just having a hard time waking up.  Sometimes it does that.  My laptop is temperamental, just like me.  So I closed the lid and opened it again.  Nothing.  Forced it to shut down and powered it back on.  Nothing.  Cried a little on the inside.  Nothing.  Cried a little on the outside.  Surprisingly…nothing.  I climbed up on the ledge of my balcony, ready to jump, when I remembered that my precious laptop is covered by Applecare warranty.  I was saved!

Climbed down and scheduled an appointment with the “Geniuses” at the nearest Apple store the next day after work.  I drove straight there when I got off and stood around waiting my turn for over an hour.  On a side note, I almost pushed a lady off the stool she was sitting on simply because she was taking up two stools – one for her and one for her purse.  I watched for a long time and nobody ever came over that she might’ve been saving the seat for.  She was just rude.  I stood right next to her and got in her personal bubble of space, and when the guy behind the counter invited me to sit down while they looked at my laptop, I looked at her and said I couldn’t because there were no open seats.  She still didn’t move the purse.  At that point, I felt that she deserved the floor, and her fancy Louis Vuitton purse could remain on its stool.  I reigned it in though and just shot her nasty looks when she wasn’t paying attention.  It was fun.

The Genius told me that either the LCD or the graphics card was out and would need to be replaced.  Had it not been for my very recently extended warranty (thanks Mom!), this would’ve cost me at least $800.  Instead…$0.  It’s completely covered.  Except for the data backup.  He informed me that it wasn’t something they could do in store and would instead need to be shipped off for repair.  He also graciously informed me that during testing of machines, sometimes the techs decide to wipe a hard drive just to make sure that software isn’t the problem.  In essence, if I didn’t pay them the $50 to backup my data, I ran the risk of it being deleted.  Ummm…no thanks.

I left with my laptop and backed it up over the weekend with the help of a very special someone.  I took it back in on Saturday and shipped it off for repair.  They told me the latest date they’ll keep it is the 28th, but that’s 2 weeks away.  I think a little piece of me is dying a little bit day by day as my only access to a computer at home is now my – *gasp* – desktop PC.  Stupid Windows Vista…  *grumble grumble*  I can’t wait to get my Mac back.

I am by no means stating that I believe all the fault lies with the consumer, but I will also not pretend to place blame entirely on the lending companies.  I can’t say whether the fault is 50/50, but I do know that it is split between the two.  I’ve had many discussions with friends and family about this issue, and feel very strongly about it for a number of reasons.

One of the many lessons I remember from my childhood (having had most of them repeated over and over again throughout the years since as a young boy I refused to listen) is that you have to accept blame for your actions.  You can’t stand up and accept the praise for something you did right if you refuse to stand up and own the consequences of something you did wrong.  Unfortunately, that’s exactly what the majority of these homeowners are trying to do right now.  They shouted from the rooftops when they were granted the exhorbitant mortgage loans that they asked for, and now they’re crying from the gutter when they couldn’t pay those mortgages and their homes were foreclosed.

I’m not some horrible tyrant who is happy these people are losing their homes.  By no means do I want to see them homeless and without a safe place to stay.  However, they put themselves in this position of their own free will.  Nobody came up to them and told them to forget about their $30,000 annual income and apply for a $250,000 home loan.  And even if they did, anyone who said “okay” and went straight to the bank to take out that loan is an absolute fool.  It’s simple math.  It’s not a complex calculation that requires a genius or accountant or real estate agent – it requires a pen and paper and a 4th grade education.  My 10 year old brother could easily explain the dynamics of the equation to these people.  Granted, that’s not quite fair since he is a little genius, but the point remains the same.  The below math is generic and estimated, but you’ll get the idea:

$250,000 home loan + Accrued interest = (Average monthly mortgage payment) * (Number of years to be paid out) * (12 months per year)
$250,000 + ? = $900 * (30 Years * 12 Months)
$250,000 + ? = $324,000
$250,000 + $74,000 = $324,000

This is crude math.  The last thing I need to hear is how it’s not exactly right.  I was very generous with the interest to make a point.  If you’ll look at the second line you’ll notice that even with only a $900 monthly payment (barely more than I pay for a one bedroom apartment just outside of Dallas), you’re committing yourself to over $10,000 a year in mortgage payments.  When you only make $30,000 before taxes, that means you’ve decided that over 1/3 of the money you bring home every year goes straight to a mortgage.  How does that make sense?  Or how does it even add up?  It doesn’t.  And this is why people are losing their homes.  They felt so fancy that they were approved for the huge loan they asked for, that they never stopped to think if they could really pay for it all.

What’s even more frustrating is that the individuals being foreclosed who are having these problems are being granted the ability to refinance at a lower interest rate and extend the timeframe of their mortgage, but the individuals who are not in this negative state are not being granted the same opportunity.  So you have the irresponsible people who never should’ve taken out the loan in the first place being granted special priviliges, and those who have been cutting back and managing to pay their mortgage entirely and on time are not getting any such benefits or priviliges; instead, their taxes are going to help out their irresponsible neighbors instead.  I find this sickening.  Reward the ones who don’t deserve it, and punish those who do?  Our government exhibits such wonderful logic.

Yes, there is some blame to be laid at the feet of the lenders.  While the consumer should never have asked for such an astronomical loan when their income was so low, the lender should’ve evaluated their available monetary income to see right away it would never work in the long run.  But they didn’t.  Why?  Because it’s a business and the business isn’t concerned with how you’re going to make your payments, just that you make them.  And if you don’t make them, they take back your house.  They still come out at a loss, but they’re hoping that’s incentive enough for you to find a way to make good on the contract you signed with them when they agreed to give you the money.  Silly them, because they’re quickly finding that it’s not.

Now everyone is asking for a handout.  The mortgage companies want a bailout because they lost so much money from people who couldn’t afford to pay back the loans they took out.  The consumer because they’re losing their home because “the big bad lending company” took advantage of them.  Everyone’s pointing fingers and nobody’s willing to take the blame.  Both are at fault and neither will admit it.  Our economy did not randomly start spiraling downwards.  There are always factors that elicit a reaction.  This just happens to be one of the big ones.

I would like nothing more than to own a home right now.  I pay almost as much in apartment rent as I would to own a home and pay a mortgage, but I know better than that.  I know that I’m not ready, financially and otherwise, to own my own house just yet.  I’d like to, but I’m not quite there.  Could I get approved for a loan and jump in headfirst anyways?  Yes, I’m sure I could.  I have good credit and while my salary isn’t by any means huge, it’s enough to get a moderate home loan.  But I won’t do it because I know better.  I’m not a genius, I just have common sense.  All I dare to ask for and hope for is that the rest of America (and the world) exhibit signs of the same.  Sadly, I just don’t think it’s going to happen anytime soon.

Just a few of the things I learned are listed below:

1. I learned that almost nothing in the world can surpass the joy of a little girl getting to meet her favorite princess.  Time and time again I witnessed young girls bounce up and down in barely contained excitement as they came face to face with the characters from their favorite Disney movies.  Unless you’ve seen it yourself, you can’t imagine the joy a little girl radiates when she walks up to Cinderella only to have the princess kneel down to give the young child a hug.  It is literally a dream come true for these girls to meet the princesses and hold a conversation, and to their credit, each and every princess had a smile on her face as she played the part to perfection.  I almost cried numerous times watching these small children, who moments before couldn’t stop talking, be struck speechless in awe of having just been hugged by Belle or Jasmine, or any of the others.
2. I learned that the joy of a child meeting their favorite Disney character is only slightly surpassed by the joy of the parents witnessing it.  I saw parents over and over again with tears in their eyes as they saw unbridled happiness in the eyes of their children.  There’s something to be said about a bond between parent and child being developed on a vacation like what I had, and you can almost see it happening right before your eyes.  The mother and father are just as happy as the child is when they meet the characters, and then you hear them talking about it as they walk away, and you know they’ll remember that moment for a long time to come.
3. I learned that not every parent is patient enough for the Disney experience.  For as many instances of children and parents having fun and laughing together, there were just as many times that I saw parents standing in line looking like they have a dozen other places they’d rather be, while the children did their best not to blink loudly for fear of being yelled at.  I saw one father yelling at his daughter to stop dancing around or else they’d turn around and go home – this was at 8:30 in the morning before the park even opened while we waited to be let in.  Nobody else was in line and she wasn’t hurting anybody; it was just very clear that she was overwhelmed and excited about coming to DisneyWorld and her father just couldn’t handle it.  Now I’ll be the first one to say that kids can be loud and fidgety (though Lord knows I’m the worst at both those), but when it comes to DisneyWorld, as a parent you just have to step back and tell yourself that your kid is going out of their mind with happiness and you need to let them enjoy it.  As long as they’re not bumping into people or being obnoxious, every other parent around you knows exactly what you’re going through and sympathizes.  Instead of being grumpy and frustrated, relate to the child.  Talk to them.  Ask why they’re so excited and share the experience with them.  I know I’m not a parent, but I’m smart enough to know that this is very important to developing a strong relationship with your children, and there were so many times when I couldn’t help but think that the parent wasn’t only ruining the experience of that moment, but potentially losing out on many moments left to come.
4. I learned that for the most part, Disney employees are some of the nicest and most genuinely caring people there are.  The first day we went to the Magic Kingdom I saw a little girl who had been separated from her father.  A random Disney cast member had come across her and was holding her hand and walking with her, talking in a soft and gentle voice and asking her for small details to help them find her dad.  She provided all the information into a small radio, and then stood around with the little girl in the hopes of seeing her father walk past looking for her.  While they looked, another employee who worked in the candy shop right behind where they were standing had overheard the whole situation, and brought out a bag of snacks for the little girl to distract her and calm her down.  Only a few moments later another employee walked over with the father, having heard his description on the radio and located him, and the dad and daughter were reunited.  It was touching.
5. I learned that I want a son.  Over and over again I saw infants and toddlers and my heartstrings were pulled.  I’ve always known that I want children someday, at least a boy and a girl, but never before has the desire been so strong.  And in this setting, it was only a son.  I kept seeing myself over and over again as a father to a little boy.  My heart broke over and over again the entire week as I saw parents holding their little kids, and I kept wondering “when will this be for me?”  I’m not ready now and I know that.  But it tears me up inside to know that it may be a long time before the timing is right and the opportunity is available.  Deep down I know that being a father is going to happen for me.  I just hope it’s not in the too distant future.

I enjoyed my vacation, both for the eye-opening and heartwarming experiences, as well as the general fun I had myself.  DisneyWorld is not just a place for kids, and anyone who thinks it is has either never been, or is not mentally in a place open to that kind of experience.  It sounds so hokey to say, but it’s just magical.  It’s like a whole different world there, and one I very much enjoyed visiting.

Only recently have I actually realized just how many people I know and care about have served in the past, or are serving now.  I’ve been obvlivious for a long time, something I don’t tolerate in others and will equally not tolerate in myself.  I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said “if you won’t stand behind our troops, stand in front of them”.  In light of the current situation with the US forces stationed in Iraq and Afghanistan, this is more prevalent a view now than almost any other time before.  I believe the only exception would be the Vietnam war back in the 1960′s.

Both of my grandfathers served.  My father’s step-father served in the Navy and my mother’s father in the Navy as well.  What saddens me is that I’ve never sat down with either of them and asked about any of it.  I had a brief conversation once with my dad’s step-dad about when he was young and first enlisted, but it was more of a humorous story than anything else, talking about when he got a tattoo that his mom didn’t like when he returned home.  That’s as close to a real conversation as I’ve gotten.  And until this moment, it never really bothered me.  They both served during times of war and came out of it in one piece and completely sane.  I could never do that.

My cousin Riley is in Afghanistan right now.  We were really close when we were younger, and grew apart once we both reached high school.  It wasn’t either one of us really, it was both.  We could both drive and we both had cell phones, but we never called each other up to just hang out.  Now he’s married and has an infant daughter, and he’s serving in the Army on the other side of the world.  I could never do that.

For many years when I was younger I attended private school, and then when I entered public school in the 3rd grade I still went to that private school for after-school care.  I had a friend named Neil for all that time, and we were inseparable on the playground.  It sounds funny to think back on now, but it’s true.  Used to drive us crazy when his twin sisters would follow us around, but we evaded them together.  For the past couple years he also served in Afghanistan and just recently returned to the states.  I haven’t seen him in years, and once he comes back home I’ll do everything I can to make that happen, but I can’t imagine what he’s gone through and what he’s seen.  I could never do that.

My best friend Terry served in the Marines for 4 years.  It was almost a decade ago, so there weren’t any wars going on, but that’s not to say it wasn’t a difficult decision to make and a stressful time in his life I’m sure.  he and I have talked about it, though not for an extended amount of time.  Most of our conversations consisted of how he met his wife while he was stationed in Hawaii, and and of him showing me photo albums of pictures he took while located both there in Hawaii and later on in Tokyo, Japan.  After meeting the woman he loved and wanted to marry, he got orders to be transferred from one side of the world to the other, leaving her behind, and he had to do it because you can’t just leave the Marines because you don’t want to leave a girl.  So they were separated for quite a while until they were married and then eventually his service ended.  I could never do that.

My friend Michael has just recently enlisted in the Air Force for a six year stint.  I can’t even wrap my mind around that.  Six years committed to something like that which will control almost every aspect of his life, not the least of which is where he and his wife will live.  He seems excited about it and that’s great.  I’m happy for him.  I think this will help him find some direction and stability in his life that he’s been looking for, and I think the structure is going to be really good for him.  He has a lot of ambition and talent, and the Air Force will take those and mold him into someone with the necessary skills to take him in the right direction.  He leaves tonight and will live separately from his wife for months while he’s in basic training and then tech school.  They’ll be able to visit occassionally, but for the first time since they started dating they are going to be apart for a long time.  I could never do that.

I’ll go on record as saying that I don’t believe America has a right or need to be stationed in any of the countries in the middle east right now, but that’s a topic for an entirely different blog entry.  However, I fully support the troops and everything they do, and just want them safe.  These people are willing to sacrifice everything for complete strangers to keep our country safe.  I could never do that.

So to anyone who has served, or even considered serving, I salute you.  My respect and gratitude are yours.  Thank you for all that you’ve done and continue to do.

Last week the bank Washington Mutual went under and was bought out by JPMorgan Chase.  This hits a little close to home as I used to bank with WaMu for years.  I’m sure everyone who had money with them is still fine, but you can’t help but feel a little unsettled when the people handling your money have to openly admit that they can’t handle their own.

On top of that, it was announced yesterday that CitiGroup would be acquiring all the Wachovia branches and other areas having to do with their banking.  Wachovia as an entity will still exist due to the fact that they have dealings outside the banking industry, but it’s still intimidating to think that everyone who banks with them just got rolled over into another bank by no choice of their own.

Another example is that the Lehman Brothers bank was bought out by Barclays Capital.  This was really the beginning of the end if you look at it from a timeline point of view.  This destabilization started a ripple effect that we’re all feeling.  This started talks of a downward spiral that the government was contemplating stepping in to prevent, but that didn’t go quite according to plan.

Yesterday afternoon the House of Representatives rejected a $700 billion bailout plan and as a result the DOW plummetted a massive 777.88 points, the largest decrease in one day in the history of the stock market.  And as selfish as I’ll readily admit it was, my first thought was not for anyone but myself.  “What’s gonna happen to my 401k?” I thought.  I’ve been contributing for over a year and a half and have a nice chunk of money in it.  Nothing huge, but a sum I’m proud to say I set aside for my future without spending on something frivolous in the present.  However, due to stock market trends I’ve steadily lost money as I contributed, and have seen a decline of over $400 recently.  That’s not even taking into account the waves that have been created in the past 2 weeks.  I’m afraid to check my 401k today to see where it’s at.

I’m trying to remain optimistic though.  It can’t last forever, right?  I don’t beleive for a second that the American economy will completely crumble and that I’ll be foraging for food in the wilderness within the year.  I’ve heard arguments both for and against the idea that we’re entering another era of Great Depression.  I can’t say whether or not I think this is true because I honestly just don’t know enough about happened the first time around.  But after all that’s gone on recently, it may be time for a little history review.

I’ve always thought tigers were some of the most majestic animals out there.  Perhaps I’d want a tiny tiger instead of a tiny kitten.  Granted, it’d have very sharp teeth and need little bits of steak and chicken instead of cat food, but it’d be worth it to have a little tiger running around the apartment.  I’d have to find a new place with a spare bedroom because I’d almost definitely want to take it to the next level and recreate an African safari.

I’d buy at least a few mini elephants so they could roam around in a micro herd.  I wonder what kind of sound a very small elephent makes…  To make sure they don’t over populate the bedroom though, I would of course have to eventually introduce carnivores.  Not my tiger, because he’s bunking up with me in my room and as the first mini domesticated wild animal, he has free reign around the house.  I’d get a few leopards and cheetahs and possibly some lions and keep them enclosed for the majority of the day, then let them out to hunt every night while I eat dinner in the other room.  Then I’d use a broom to herd them back into their individual lego enclosures before bed.

I’d keep an inflatable kiddie pool in the closet where dolphins and beluga whales could splash around to their heart’s content.  For commercial reasons, one dolphin would be Flipper and one beluga would be Baby.  My tiger’s name is not Tony though because that’s just dumb.  He’s a tiger.  He doesn’t like frosted flakes.  Or oil.  If I am able to find a whale, I’d probably get one or two and put them in there as well.  How eccentric could I claim my collection is if I don’t at least have one big miniature whale?  And an octopus!

The predators in the safari zone of the bedroom would probably get tired of tough chewy elephant meat (I’m just guessing here) after a while, so I’d have to invest in a whole bunch of gazelle and sheep and other African safari wildlife that I don’t know about.  Fodder like that is probably the equivalent of beta fish, so I’ll get a great deal if I buy in bulk.  I’ve already come to grips with the fact that I’ll have to have lots of potpourri and outdoorsy smelling candles scattered throughout the room at all times; with that many animals, the room is gonna be stinky.  I will have already planned ahead before beginning my wildlife reserve, and had the carpet removed and replaced with fake grass.  I want it to be as realistic as possible for my animals.  I still haven’t figured out how to put in a watering hole or tiny stream for them to drink and bathe in.

This whole thing is obviously still a work in progress.  If there are any genetic engineers reading this, I expect royalties if you steal my idea.  Otherwise, my tiger’s coming to get you.  That’s right.  I’ve trained him.  He’s fierce.