Anyone who has taken a ride in my car in the past few months, or for that matter even had me as a passenger in their car, has learned that I have a new obsession – playing Prius.  That’s right, the new game of the century is Prius – hitting someone everytime you see a Volkswagen Bug is so 1990’s.  Now you do so when you see a Toyota Prius on the road.  However, there seems to be some confusion as to why this change has occurred, and exactly what the rules are that govern its awesomeness.  Wanna become part of the craze?  Read on.

My friend Jayme was the first person I knew personally to own a Prius.  She dreamed of it for eons (or a couple years, one of the two) and finally managed to purloin one.  According to my recollection, her cousin Sarah then decided that a Prius is way cooler than a “Slug Bug” and that no longer would anyone get hit when a Bug drove past – now the only people getting hit would be the ones who didn’t spot a nearby Prius fast enough to claim it for themselves.  The game caught on like wildfire (between the three of us) and we laughed away all the bruises.

As of late, the game has begun to spread.  Jayme’s mom now plays, a fact I learned while riding in the car with her last month when she surprised me by severely beating me on 5 different occasions in the course of one afternoon of errands, all with a huge smile on her face that she was part of the cool crowd playing Prius.  Even after my embarrassing defeat at the fist of Judy, I foolishly taught the game to both my youngest brother and Keith.  Since teaching them this game, I have suffered many a beating at their delight.  Sure, every once in a while I manage to smack them, but being the driver puts me in the unfortunate role of having to watch the road, not the surrounding cars.  I remember Keith thinking the game was stupid at first, but now he seems to excel at it.  Damn.

In spite of all this, there seems to be a few questions as to how the game is played and what all it entails.  I’d like to take this chance to teach the public (meaning the 8 people who read this blog) how to play Prius and be cool.

  1. The first rule of Prius, is to tell everyone about Prius.  You can’t play a game nobody is aware of, so spread the word far and wide.  If you don’t, I’m pretty sure that makes you a communist.
  2. No longer does seeing a Volkswagen Beetle/Bug entitle you to punch someone in the arm.  Doing so authorizes the driver to push the eject button and launch your ass out of the car.  If their car doesn’t come equipped with an eject button (but whose doesn’t nowadays?), then be prepared to have the passenger door opened, your seatbelt unbuckled, and your body ingloriously pushed from the moving vehicle.  We’re not kidding about this one – Slug Bug is dead people, it’s now the age of the Prius.
  3. When a Prius is spotted in the wild, simply hitting someone doesn’t count, and will likely get you a great big shiner.  To truly claim the beautiful hybrid, you must shout “PRIUS!” and point it out.  This will protect you from unjustified return beatings as promised by the bylaws of Prius.
  4. If you own a Toyota Prius, you can’t smack anyone nearby everytime you see your own vehicle, nor can they hit you or anyone else.  Owned Priuses (or as Jayme refers to them, Prii) do not count towards the game, as that is not very sportsman-like.  You may only hit someone if you spot a Prius that is not owned by you or your traveling companions.
  5. A Prius on TV doesn’t count.  If you don’t see it in person, you can’t begin beating anyone in your direct proximity.
  6. Toyota Dealerships do indeed count, so if you happen to drive past one with anyone near you, be sure to sneakily spot the section of Priuses/Prii and commence beating the crap out of anyone within reach.
  7. There used to be an archaic rule that when playing Slug Bug you had to say “no slug backs” or the slugee was allowed to hit you back.  That’s stupid, and in keeping with the caliber of people who still play Slug Bug.  Prius is above that.  Once you spot one and hit someone, that Prius has been claimed and no further hits are allowed.  Deal with it cry babies.
  8. When in the role of “passenger” of a car, please be cautious as to with how much force you wail on the driver.  If you don’t want the driver to lose consciousness and careen the car off the side of a cliff (assuming you often drive near cliffs), simply smack them gently and yell “PRIUS!” to validate the smack.  Drivers however are allowed to beat passengers as thoroughly as they desire.  Again – deal with it cry babies.
  9. You cannot store up Prius sightings and then let loose on a clueless victim (stranger or otherwise) later on.  Any Priuses/Prii spotted while alone are immediately invalidated.  Sucks to be you – make some friends and ride around with them.
  10. Other hybrids don’t count, so don’t even try it.  Hybrid Camrys, beautiful though they are, are not Priuses/Prii, thus they are not covered by the Prius game.  Neither is any other hybrid vehicle, so if you hit someone and try to shout “Hybrid Highlander!”, be prepared to be hit back since you won’t be covered by the protection of the Prius rules.  (As a side note, yes, all my hybrid references are made by Toyota.  That’s because any other hybrid sucks.  Toyota makes the Prius, thus they are the best.)

These are the rules as of the time of this posting.  Feel free to post your own rules in the comments.  If I feel they’re worthy of being added to the rulebook, I’ll amend the list and provide credit.  By the power invested in me by the Toyota Corporation (not really, but let’s pretend for the sake of Priuses/Prii everywhere), I declare the Prius game officially begun.