Remember when you were young and your parents told you that most of the people you were best friends in high school would disappear from your life after high school? Remember not believing them? Mhmm. Now, do you remember when almost all those people disappeared? I do. I remember thinking I was so close with some people, and then when graduation came and I no longer saw them every day, things just started to fade. Then I made new friends in college and things seemed to be different. But ultimately, it was just the same.
I’ve kept in touch with just a select few of my friends from high school. Some are mere acquaintances to this day, but some are still very close personal friends who I see regularly. The same thing happened with friends I made in college. I made quite a few friends and used to hang out with them all the time, some more than others. And as of now, I am still friends with only one of them.
I made one friendship in college that I saw as lasting forever. Corny I know, but it’s true. We were buddies. Pals. We had no secrets…or so I thought. When everything came out in the open, I tried to see if it could work, but it was obvious it couldn’t. Every time I tried to mend fences, they’d be knocked down again. Every time I tried to give another chance for honesty, another lie surfaced. I was yelled at for being suspicious, but is it really suspicious if it turns out to be true?
Like I said though, I’m still in touch with someone else from college. Someone who I had never really thought of as a close friend, but over the past few months we’ve hung out a couple times a month and we always have a good time. We usually hang out and just watch TV and talk about work and other random stuff, but it’s nice. I think on some level, this always made the other friend jealous since we never hang out anymore.
Life is hard. Growing up and seeing people for who they truly are is difficult. But you can’t hold onto the past. For years after high school I’d randomly call up old friends and see if they wanted to hang out. Usually they didn’t. Rarely they did, but even then it was just the once and then I’d never hear back. Same with college but to a lesser degree. I’d try and stay in touch for a short while, but ultimately I just gave up.
Like now. I’m done trying. I’ve always felt responsible for chasing people down and apologizing and begging to be taken back even when I hadn’t done anything wrong. I’d rather do that and get a “friend” back than to lose that friend. That was the old James Dean. No longer. I’m my own person and I don’t need friends like that anymore. Nobody does. When I do something that has negative consequences, I stand up and take them. I didn’t always, but I do now. I expect the same of others. You can’t go around in life expecting others to take the blame for something you did just to make you feel better. That isn’t how it works.
Times are changing. Perhaps for the better. In life, friends come and go. The position of my “best friend” has recently become available again. I’m accepting applications. Don’t forget the $10 processing fee.