Comments on: To bail or not to bail? That is the conundrum. http://therealjamesdean.com/2008/09/24/to-bail-or-not-to-bail-that-is-the-conundrum/ Rebel, still in search of his cause Tue, 24 Aug 2010 18:25:18 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Aunt Barb http://therealjamesdean.com/2008/09/24/to-bail-or-not-to-bail-that-is-the-conundrum/comment-page-1/#comment-133 Aunt Barb Thu, 09 Oct 2008 00:14:35 +0000 http://therealjamesdean.com/?p=83#comment-133 A true friendship involves MUTUAL esteem, respect, affection, loyalty, and the tendency to desire the best for each other. It sounds to me like you have been a friend to Eric. I don't know Eric but from what I read above, I did not see any MUTUAL respect, etc. on Eric's part. I didn't see where he has put Dean's best interests before his own. I noted that he always seems to have your number only when HE has wants/needs something. I know that friendship is never equal and that there is always one party that gives more than the other, but to really be "friends" there has to be some giving on both sides. The state of friendship exists in your mind, but ask yourself what exists in Eric's. The fact that you don't trust him and that he lives down to that expectation is enough for me. After all, after you bail him out, does he have a place to stay or is that the next item he needs from you. I would pass on this one. A true friendship involves MUTUAL esteem, respect, affection, loyalty, and the tendency to desire the best for each other. It sounds to me like you have been a friend to Eric. I don’t know Eric but from what I read above, I did not see any MUTUAL respect, etc. on Eric’s part. I didn’t see where he has put Dean’s best interests before his own. I noted that he always seems to have your number only when HE has wants/needs something. I know that friendship is never equal and that there is always one party that gives more than the other, but to really be “friends” there has to be some giving on both sides. The state of friendship exists in your mind, but ask yourself what exists in Eric’s. The fact that you don’t trust him and that he lives down to that expectation is enough for me. After all, after you bail him out, does he have a place to stay or is that the next item he needs from you. I would pass on this one.

]]> By: Kate http://therealjamesdean.com/2008/09/24/to-bail-or-not-to-bail-that-is-the-conundrum/comment-page-1/#comment-127 Kate Thu, 02 Oct 2008 00:34:27 +0000 http://therealjamesdean.com/?p=83#comment-127 Well you know my answer to this....and how I feel about that kid. It's not like he ended up there on accident anyway, he had it comin. I still think he's got a lot more comin too. Well you know my answer to this….and how I feel about that kid. It’s not like he ended up there on accident anyway, he had it comin. I still think he’s got a lot more comin too.

]]> By: jeremy http://therealjamesdean.com/2008/09/24/to-bail-or-not-to-bail-that-is-the-conundrum/comment-page-1/#comment-120 jeremy Tue, 30 Sep 2008 00:40:46 +0000 http://therealjamesdean.com/?p=83#comment-120 thumbs down. the guy sounds like he's used to you coming to the rescue and although you are a great friend to him for always trying to help him out, I think its time to become a better friend and let him deal with his actions. he may thank you later and if not, at least you wont be kicking yourself if he disses you again afterward. thumbs down. the guy sounds like he’s used to you coming to the rescue and although you are a great friend to him for always trying to help him out, I think its time to become a better friend and let him deal with his actions. he may thank you later and if not, at least you wont be kicking yourself if he disses you again afterward.

]]> By: Janeway http://therealjamesdean.com/2008/09/24/to-bail-or-not-to-bail-that-is-the-conundrum/comment-page-1/#comment-109 Janeway Sat, 27 Sep 2008 13:09:18 +0000 http://therealjamesdean.com/?p=83#comment-109 There are three things to remember about being a starship captain: Keep your shirt tucked in, go down with the ship, and never abandon a member of your crew. With that said.... Eric is not and has not been a member of this crew. He's used you and I know you hope that he won't anymore but once a user always a user. If we wants to prove himself different let him do that in a different circumstance. Set a course for home and know you're in the company of good friends now and don't need extra drama from Eric. This isn't subway, we're all grown-ups now. A wise man once said where you go there you are. There are three things to remember about being a starship captain: Keep your shirt tucked in, go down with the ship, and never abandon a member of your crew. With that said…. Eric is not and has not been a member of this crew. He’s used you and I know you hope that he won’t anymore but once a user always a user. If we wants to prove himself different let him do that in a different circumstance.

Set a course for home and know you’re in the company of good friends now and don’t need extra drama from Eric. This isn’t subway, we’re all grown-ups now.

A wise man once said where you go there you are.

]]> By: Pam http://therealjamesdean.com/2008/09/24/to-bail-or-not-to-bail-that-is-the-conundrum/comment-page-1/#comment-107 Pam Thu, 25 Sep 2008 22:14:21 +0000 http://therealjamesdean.com/?p=83#comment-107 Dean, Wanting to do the right thing is honorable but being an enabler would only cripple him and I know that is not your goal. The only friendship you and Eric truly had was on your end and even if he had truly been a friend in order for you to be his friend today you must exhibit tough love. If you feed a man a fish you satisfy him today if you teach him how to fish you feed him for life. He has got to learn how to live with the choices he makes. You can pray that he fails forward and that he grows-up to make better decisions. The only thing (I believe) you would be saving him from is an opportunity to grow-up. I don't believe Eric called you because He needs " your" help (the help of someone he cares for and respects) I think he called someone he thought might pick him up as you have in the past. I am with Casey on this one. It is not about your friendship, if you indeed even had one, nor is it about whether or not he as a person who did you wrong. This is truly about doing the right thing for the right reasons. I say let Eric grow-up by experiencing the fruits of his labor. P.S. I love you Dean, I know you will be thoughtful on this matter as you are with most. I will add this and go. Most important of all do what you can live with. Dean,

Wanting to do the right thing is honorable but being an enabler would only cripple him and I know that is not your goal. The only friendship you and Eric truly had was on your end and even if he had truly been a friend in order for you to be his friend today you must exhibit tough love. If you feed a man a fish you satisfy him today if you teach him how to fish you feed him for life. He has got to learn how to live with the choices he makes. You can pray that he fails forward and that he grows-up to make better decisions. The only thing (I believe) you would be saving him from is an opportunity to grow-up. I don’t believe Eric called you because He needs ” your” help (the help of someone he cares for and respects) I think he called someone he thought might pick him up as you have in the past. I am with Casey on this one. It is not about your friendship, if you indeed even had one, nor is it about whether or not he as a person who did you wrong. This is truly about doing the right thing for the right reasons. I say let Eric grow-up by experiencing the fruits of his labor.

P.S. I love you Dean, I know you will be thoughtful on this matter as you are with most. I will add this and go. Most important of all do what you can live with.

]]> By: Casey http://therealjamesdean.com/2008/09/24/to-bail-or-not-to-bail-that-is-the-conundrum/comment-page-1/#comment-106 Casey Thu, 25 Sep 2008 19:20:56 +0000 http://therealjamesdean.com/?p=83#comment-106 Put aside how he has treated you (I know that's hard) and put aside whether you are close to him or not. Look at what he did and does he deserve to be where he is. I would like to think that people reap what they sow. Now if it's just for an unpaid speeding ticket that's different :) I would like to think that if I got caught shopplifting or something that I would know that I deserved to be sitting in jail. That doesn't mean I wouldn't call and try to get someone to bail me out but if they wouldn't I would still understand why. Now it's almost 24 hrs so you need to tell me your decision :p Put aside how he has treated you (I know that’s hard) and put aside whether you are close to him or not.

Look at what he did and does he deserve to be where he is. I would like to think that people reap what they sow. Now if it’s just for an unpaid speeding ticket that’s different :)

I would like to think that if I got caught shopplifting or something that I would know that I deserved to be sitting in jail. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t call and try to get someone to bail me out but if they wouldn’t I would still understand why.

Now it’s almost 24 hrs so you need to tell me your decision :p

]]> By: Dan http://therealjamesdean.com/2008/09/24/to-bail-or-not-to-bail-that-is-the-conundrum/comment-page-1/#comment-105 Dan Thu, 25 Sep 2008 13:10:50 +0000 http://therealjamesdean.com/?p=83#comment-105 After all he's put you thru, he has got to learn the hard way. Keep him in there. After all he’s put you thru, he has got to learn the hard way. Keep him in there.

]]> By: Yourleastfavorite:) http://therealjamesdean.com/2008/09/24/to-bail-or-not-to-bail-that-is-the-conundrum/comment-page-1/#comment-102 Yourleastfavorite:) Thu, 25 Sep 2008 04:26:12 +0000 http://therealjamesdean.com/?p=83#comment-102 no. you can still forgive, be a friend, DO THE RIGHT THING, and let him stay it out. no. you can still forgive, be a friend, DO THE RIGHT THING, and let him stay it out.

]]> By: Brittany Henderson http://therealjamesdean.com/2008/09/24/to-bail-or-not-to-bail-that-is-the-conundrum/comment-page-1/#comment-101 Brittany Henderson Thu, 25 Sep 2008 04:17:39 +0000 http://therealjamesdean.com/?p=83#comment-101 Oh that Eric. Dean, I dunno. I mean it's easy to look at the relationship as him only coming to you when he needs help but what if he has changed and he did something stupid to land himself in jail and he needs your help and wants to patch things up? But then again he has walked over you enough and I understand you don't want to take that chance again. Tough call honey Oh that Eric. Dean, I dunno. I mean it’s easy to look at the relationship as him only coming to you when he needs help but what if he has changed and he did something stupid to land himself in jail and he needs your help and wants to patch things up? But then again he has walked over you enough and I understand you don’t want to take that chance again. Tough call honey

]]> By: Amber Jones http://therealjamesdean.com/2008/09/24/to-bail-or-not-to-bail-that-is-the-conundrum/comment-page-1/#comment-98 Amber Jones Thu, 25 Sep 2008 03:53:27 +0000 http://therealjamesdean.com/?p=83#comment-98 I actually got a call like that. When I was 18 a guy that I was dating got thrown in jail. This is after we were at a party together and he ended up making out with a girl in front of me. He left drunk and got pulled over, this ultimately got him a DUI. The bail bondsmen call me and I actually laughed, I was so hurt by what he did but he drank and drove... what did your friend do to get himself in jail? Does he deserve it? probably He called you because it seems like to me he knows that no matter how bad he treats you that you will help him. I think that you should wash your hands of him and then see if he calls you when he isn't in trouble. It just seems like that is the only time that he contacts you. I actually got a call like that. When I was 18 a guy that I was dating got thrown in jail. This is after we were at a party together and he ended up making out with a girl in front of me. He left drunk and got pulled over, this ultimately got him a DUI. The bail bondsmen call me and I actually laughed, I was so hurt by what he did but he drank and drove… what did your friend do to get himself in jail? Does he deserve it? probably

He called you because it seems like to me he knows that no matter how bad he treats you that you will help him. I think that you should wash your hands of him and then see if he calls you when he isn’t in trouble. It just seems like that is the only time that he contacts you.

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